She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
