All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
