did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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