The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
