and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
