I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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