Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
