Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
