it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
