i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize