I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
