Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
