Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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