You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Randomize
