To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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