god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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