id be glad to
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
