don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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