when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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