my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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