How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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