He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize