You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize