Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
