I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
