Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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