One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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