Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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