Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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