how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
