I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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