We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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