so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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