I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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