he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
