You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
