you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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