dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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