do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
