Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
