We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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