On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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