final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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