That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
