kristin has been a bad kristin
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
