....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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