that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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