I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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