Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
