I'd wear matching sweaters with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Success! We fucked roommates!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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