i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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